Part 1

I feel like everything that I do just isn't good enough for some people. no matter how hard I try they just still seem to push me anyway. This all started about a month ago. If I would have never done what I did I might not be in this situation. I regret evrything that I've done in my life. The only thing I don't regret is meeting Tyler. Tyler was amazing. He knew what to do to cheer me up. He was the one that I knew I could call if I was about to breakdown and cry...Now I don't know who Ican call anymore. Everytime someone talks about him or what happened when we were together I just feel like the wall are caving in, like they are trying to break me even more than I already am. The only thing that keeps me sane is my love for music. I know that when I am either in band or am listening to my music I know that I am at peace. I know that no one can hurt me. I feel stronger and more secure. Band isn't the only thing that keeps me sane, my friends help me with that too. I know that I can go to them if I need someone to lean on for help. Joey, Ashley, Zsophia, Brittney, Maya, Alexis and alot of other people are always there for me. I'm glad that the yare in my life. Without them I am....Nothing. If they ever leave me I would not know how to go on with my life. They are my strength when I am weak, they are my all in all. I hate to see people taking there friends for granted not realizing how special they are. It makes me cherish my friendship with these people even more. I know at times they can hate me and not stand to be around me but that is just the way friendships are. You just have to learn to get used to it. So now here is where my story begins. I won't start from the very beggining but I'll start somewhere close. I was 2 years old and i remember being out in the cold streets of St. Petersburg, Russia. I don't know why....I just know that I was cold, alone, and hungry. I don't know how long I was in the snow either, but I faintly rememebr a police officer picking me up and taking me to the orphanage. I spent an entire year in that orphanage. My adopting parents came and adopted me around January 7th of 2001. We stayed with another adopting parents who were adopting a boy and a girl. Nikita and Alayna.